I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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