Sponge bath it is.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Found the puke drawer
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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