Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
