I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
