Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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