after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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