I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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