textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
