I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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