i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
