it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
