are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
