Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
