His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
