i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
