would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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