NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
