Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize