You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
