I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
