after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
