All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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