and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I will pee on everything he values.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
