Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
3pm strippers are depressing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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