I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
