Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
