Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
