he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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