I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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