TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
