Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
