There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
