The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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