you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
