Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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