Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
