It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize