Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No stitches, just platelets and will power
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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