Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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