like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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