Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
