I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
