My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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