she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
