This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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