I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
