I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
