she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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