just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize