I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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