There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
