4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
