You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
