so that wasnt chicken after all
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
