note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
