$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
