i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
