I'm going to jail i love you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
