No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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