i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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