I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
