I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
