now i know why i became what i already was.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
