I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
