Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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