is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
