my phone needs a breathalizer
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
