I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
