i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
